sour yet healthy humble pie

Lately we’re having the in-between-y cold and then hot and then cold again weather, which means it’s springtime in Richmond.  The bradford pear trees are blooming, and daffodils in basically everyone’s yards, but not much else.  The past week has been packed full of too many activities to mention, so I’ll choose three highlights:

1. Seeing an actor from the Poe Museum act out some stories and poems at Walkerton Tavern (details to come on the Midnight Society blog)
2. Helping Dan fix the NES so that we can be a full-on force to be reckoned with in Dr. Mario
3. Watching The Hudsucker Proxy for the first time, and enjoying it thoroughly

We are making steady progress in our attempts at having dinner with various friends, and tonight’s subjects are Matt and Jenny, with whom we will tackle dinner at the always-delicious Mekong.

I’m almost finished reading A Plain Account of Christian Perfection by John Wesley, and it’s challenging me on so many levels.  Taking responsibility for exuding love at all times is something that’s fundamentally hard for me, as I’ve mentioned before.  Wesley’s views on all sorts of things made him one of the most famous preachers of all time, but that one simple point in particular really affects me.  Like all human beings, I get dealt various levels of trouble to deal with daily, and I can choose to either repay it with more trouble, or with love.  Everybody’s contributing some attitude; some offering to this place, and I want my share — what I give back — to be love.  Realizing that the change needs to take place in my heart and not in my actions only presents an intimidating task.  But what’s important is the motivation.  No matter how much I bungle things or trip over my own coattails, other people can sense a kind gesture when they see one, and they can smell sincerity if it’s there.  I want to aspire to be that way: transparently sincere.

“Askin’ ain’t gettin'” though, as Pork points out, and I have to agree.  The work is yet to be done.  The work of figuring out how to translate good intentions into kindness, patience, and gracefulness.  So far I’ve got the calmness part down, but that’s not enough.  I need to be about it instead of talk about it.

Recent mistakes are starting to make a lot of sense, and to point out things about myself and help me grow, as mistakes often do.  I am thankful for them.  I’ve changed so much in the past six months…year…five years…ten years.  I’m beginning to get a sneaking suspicion that this “growing up” thing won’t be over when I’ve made every last tweak to my nature that I see necessary, or when I’ve had kids, or when I’ve traveled the world, or when I’ve become a wrinkled old sage.  I have a feeling the process never ends.  That makes me happy.

I hope to document this process more both in ye olde regular blog and in protected posts.  To the few of you who have been with me since the days of Xanga, you’ll remember protected posts from those times.  Since the regular blog is just a place for me to document things and for people to get updates on what I’m up to, I won’t bog down that area with too-personal details for all the spam-bots and internet trolls, etc.  Protected posts will be accessed with a password, so just let me know if you want one and you’re on the road to getting Too. Much. Information.

Lastly, Synergeo got an awesome grant but we have to raise enough money to match it ($10,000!) by May if we want to actually get the grant.  The board has been working really hard on it for months, and now there are just a few thousand left to raise.  You can help three different ways, and I will blog about those hopefully later today.

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apis mellifera

 

Busy.  Why is that the word that describes my life right now?  So perfectly, so correctly.  Even epic events and delightful parties are reduced to items on a checklist of doom.  This checklist is so long that it stretches way up into the heavens, disappearing into the clouds with a glint of finality.  Where does the time go?  This week a feeling of hopelessness set in, at being perpetually buried under my to-do list without ever making any progress.  And after hopelessness follows depression and irritability.  Not in my perfect life, dangit.  So we go to the drawing board, and we evaluate.  This is a simple human survival skill that I think not enough people possess, and thank goodness I do.

I think it boils down to two major factors:

  1. It’s Christmastime.  Last year around this time I was hyperventilating over the number of Christmas parties I had to go to, freaking out over my gift list, and just losing my mind in general.  This year is no exception, and I need to remember that every time my mind starts to scramble around December 10th.  There is too much going on.  You need to stop, breathe, and just separate things into two piles: things you can say “no” to, and things you have to do.  For the things you have to do that remain, you have to put your head down and plow through them like a good American princess.  K thx bai.
  2. Boyfriend a-go-go.   The boyfriend has proven to be an excellent helper, and together we plow through to-do lists and events way better than solo Tess.  But no matter how much you love a person, you still need several hours of pure, unadulterated alone time per week.  I’ve been neglecting this lately due to sheer love for this amazing person and inability to turn my gaze elsewhere, but total silence and solitude for a few hours (I’m accomplishing this right now, even as we speak) is therapeutic.  It’s amazing how much I’ve grown to love being alone during the past several years, when I used to hate it so much.  Aloneness is the voice of reason.  It gives you back your sanity.  I shall cherish it and give it its proper time now and forevermore, amen.

In short, things have been insane.  I guess some of the major contributors have been work, Christmas shopping, and planning an amazing New Year’s Eve party.  I have had to sanction this lovely Wednesday night just for the purpose of catching up on the normal things I would do during a given week, if it weren’t for all of this stuff that’s been going on.

Mostly though, it’s hard to complain when you’ve been busy having FUN times one million this whole time.  I have posted many pictures depicting all this fun, of course.

I <3 jaime

  • I finally uploaded some videos that have been hanging around on my camera of Megadeth, as well as new ones of Action Patrol.  Check it out.
  • Daron was in town last week, and as usual did not disappoint.  I only got to see him a little bit, but of course I should have known there was a hidden bender in there somewhere.  Life doesn’t get any better than talking about life over wine, dinner, and whiskey with your two favorite males in the universe.
  • Last weekend was amazing.  I blogged in way more detail about my fun doing Williamsburg holiday stuff, and Court End Christmas, over at the Midnight Society blog.  History and Christmas, and history and Christmas.  I am the luckiest history geek in the universe, living here in the sweet sweet capital city.  On my tombstone I want the following inscription: “Wife of Thomas Jefferson.  Secret lover of George Washington.  Crushed on the Marquis de Lafayette for a hot sec, too.”  For some reason, I’m into powdered wigs right now.
  • Last night: Rad indoor bbq at Kelsey / Noel / Liana’s house.  I love WELC.  Afterwards, Silent Music Revival!  I adore Jameson Price and his harebrained ideas.
  • Today Dan and I walked over to the Library of Virginia to see the “Myth and Memory” exhibit, which I also blogged about over at the Midnight Society blog.  Awesome.

I am seriously racing against time, here.  Tonight is a microcosm of my life.  After getting home a little after 5pm, I knew I only had a few hours to be productive before I would have to go to bed in order to be coherent at work tomorrow.  This didn’t give me long to finish addressing some party invites, answering some emails, reading some feeds, editing photos, uploading photos, hurriedly eating some soup, blogging twice for Midnight Society, and finally blogging once here.  I shall pray for serenity and continue with the ever-expected links.

Aiight, that is all.  Squeaking in at just before 9pm, I am reading to paint some fingernails and call it a night.  Dear Wednesday, I love you.  Love, me.  Off to the delicious calm of having a diminished to-do list.