adventures in skymall.

On our recent honeymoon we spent a lot of hours on airplanes, and that means I got a chance to look over one of my favorite amusements — the in-flight catalog of curiosities, Skymall.

While Skymall is great for some things, and is the first place a lot of great ideas are aired (including the kitty washroom, which I’ve been the proud owner of for a long time now, and which really is the best litter box ever), it is also the showplace for all manner of ridiculous gadgets and tomfoolery.  Are you ready to take a tour of some good old-fashioned Skymall excess with me?  Dare you continue?  Here are a few of my favorites.

  • Video Recording Sunglasses.  According to the catalog, these “allow you to discreetly record all that you see.”  I don’t even want to think about why those would be necessary.  There should be a banner that reads “For the person on your holiday list who’s watched a little too much ALIAS!”

  • The Telekinetic Obstacle Course.  This device is apparently for playing games WITH YOUR MIND.  No touching! as they say on Arrested Development.  And you can look great doing it!

  • Electronic Feng Shui Compass.  “Working with electromagnetic energy, this handheld feng shui compass helps you support favorable conditions at home or in a hotel room. Operating with the same technology used in aerospace guidance systems, it locates and calculates energy fields so quickly, you align your physical surroundings to match your intentions.”  Don’t get me wrong, I’m all about simplifying the home and making it as relaxing as possible.  But a gadget that allows you to take your hippie design principles with you, rearranging furniture everywhere?  Now that’s just pure evil.

  • The Thomas Kinkade Carol Clock.  “Portions of 12 carols play clearly from the built-in speaker, reminding you at every hour that the holiday season abounds.  Depicting a snowy winter landscape at dusk, the face evokes the festive mood of a small down’s inhabitants after an evening of merry-making.”  Because the “Painter of Light” is oh-so-wholesome, we need to be reminded of it every hour on the hour. Ugh.

  • Relaxing MagicShowerhead.  I couldn’t have thought of a better product name myself.  “By using only the pressure of the water, the MagicShowerhead illuminates the shower water producing a variety of changing colors.”  Now you can take your daily shower experience from comforting and cleanly to psychedelic and Skittles.

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6 thoughts on “adventures in skymall.

  1. First of all, for Maddie’s sake. “I hate Thomas Kinkade.” Secondly, did you know that you can order a custom inflatable mascot through the skymall catalog? Hello giant Midnight Society screaming cat!

    Dude, I would SO buy that chair for my home. You know I would. I’ve been reading Archaeology magazine’s special issue on Ancient Egypt during my lunch breaks for about a week. It has reminded me that if I got a tattoo of Thoth in his ibis-headed-human-scribe form that it would be pretty sweet…nobody steal that idea!

  2. DAMN! I can’t have it shipped to Puerto Rico. Well doesn’t that just figure. You buy it in the air, but you can’t get it anywhere.

  3. You can get a Thoth tattoo, but I can’t imagine you going through with the golden throne. I mean it doesn’t go with your green and white stuff! Or with your cubbies.

  4. Cool article. I do still like catalogs, if just for the portability (and sadly, my laptop isn’t quite as portable as some others). But organizing gift ideas on paper makes me hyperventilate; I’ve been doing it via spreadsheet for YEARS. I’m allergic to paper.

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