On our recent honeymoon we spent a lot of hours on airplanes, and that means I got a chance to look over one of my favorite amusements — the in-flight catalog of curiosities, Skymall.
While Skymall is great for some things, and is the first place a lot of great ideas are aired (including the kitty washroom, which I’ve been the proud owner of for a long time now, and which really is the best litter box ever), it is also the showplace for all manner of ridiculous gadgets and tomfoolery. Are you ready to take a tour of some good old-fashioned Skymall excess with me? Dare you continue? Here are a few of my favorites.
- Video Recording Sunglasses. According to the catalog, these “allow you to discreetly record all that you see.” I don’t even want to think about why those would be necessary. There should be a banner that reads “For the person on your holiday list who’s watched a little too much ALIAS!”
- The Telekinetic Obstacle Course. This device is apparently for playing games WITH YOUR MIND. No touching! as they say on Arrested Development. And you can look great doing it!
- Electronic Feng Shui Compass. “Working with electromagnetic energy, this handheld feng shui compass helps you support favorable conditions at home or in a hotel room. Operating with the same technology used in aerospace guidance systems, it locates and calculates energy fields so quickly, you align your physical surroundings to match your intentions.” Don’t get me wrong, I’m all about simplifying the home and making it as relaxing as possible. But a gadget that allows you to take your hippie design principles with you, rearranging furniture everywhere? Now that’s just pure evil.
- The Thomas Kinkade Carol Clock. “Portions of 12 carols play clearly from the built-in speaker, reminding you at every hour that the holiday season abounds. Depicting a snowy winter landscape at dusk, the face evokes the festive mood of a small down’s inhabitants after an evening of merry-making.” Because the “Painter of Light” is oh-so-wholesome, we need to be reminded of it every hour on the hour. Ugh.
- Relaxing MagicShowerhead. I couldn’t have thought of a better product name myself. “By using only the pressure of the water, the MagicShowerhead illuminates the shower water producing a variety of changing colors.” Now you can take your daily shower experience from comforting and cleanly to psychedelic and Skittles.
- Head Spa Massager. I think the picture says it all.
- King Tutankhamen’s Egyptian Throne Chair. It’s not too much, is it? It’ll go perfectly with my Life-Size Anubis Statue.