I’m really behind on a lot of things including editing and uploading pictures, so there just won’t be many to accompany this post.
Several doctor’s visits later and Morella is doing great. She’s gaining about 50 grams a day, which is a lot compared to the average baby’s 30 grams a day. On our last visit the doctor said “Can we talk about how you’re doing this? How are you doing this? You guys are rock stars.” She showed us a weight chart that plotted Morella’s rise from the 18th percentile to the 40th percentile in just a few days. All we did, in truth, was follow the plan we talked about with the pediatrician, to feed the baby every couple of hours even if we had to wake her up, and supplement with an ounce of pumped milk after every feeding too. She’s got a great appetite and I’m relieved that the feedings have put her on the right track.
This schedule has been EXHAUSTING though, so I was glad when at our last appointment we were given permission to scale it back a bit. Now we’re only pumping every other time, and only supplementing every other time. So the feedings are taking a little less long on average and I’ve got a little more time to rest.
That being said, the hardest thing is just keeping up on basic, basic household tasks. By the time you drag out the cleaning supplies or gardening tools or whatever, the baby needs something again. So you can always get something started but it’s really hard to finish a task. And I’m not being overly ambitious here. I’m just trying to keep the wilderness from retaking our house, keep the floors clean enough to walk on instead of wade through, etc. And this is incredibly hard with a needy little newborn in the house.
In general the days have been hazy. I don’t even feel like they’ve been “days” so much as one long day. Since we only sleep in increments of a couple hours at a time, I don’t feel like we ever really get that reset that a full night’s sleep gives you. Which is awful. I think I need that reset button in order to truly feel rested. Instead I feel like I’m sort of floating through life, having vague feelings that I’ll get to this or that “tomorrow” or “soon,” but since it’s one long day there IS no tomorrow. And I just continue mechanically moving from feeding to napping to streaming things on Netflix and back to feeding. Something that compounds my feeling of being totally out of control is that Dan’s mom has been in town for a long time (until tomorrow) and so I’ve been trying to spend every possible second hanging out with her since feeding and naps already leave her alone a lot of the day and make me feel like the worst host ever. So it’s hard to entertain and make sure that she has everything she needs with the baby’s crazy schedule ruling us.
In the meantime, since we’ve actually been at home all day most days, we’ve used this time to order a bunch of things for the house that we’ve been wanting to order but needed to be here to receive. So it’s been deliveries-a-go-go for outdoor furniture, finally replacing the blue settee, etc. And of course the Tumblr / Yahoo acquisition going through RIGHT when I was about to have the baby has resulted in extra time-sensitive emails / forms / mail that needed to be answered immediately, so I’ve been scrambling to stay on top of that.
Somehow I managed to throw Dan a surprise birthday party in the midst of this, but Lianna truthfully did most of the work. I knew this would be a tough time to pull it off, but Dan has wanted a surprise party for ever and never gotten one, and I knew he would never suspect it right after we had the baby, etc. So we ordered a cake from Pearl’s and some pizza from Da Vinci and had everybody come over and hide out in the backyard while Dan was out with his mom. He loved it. He was super happy and told me a zillion times how appreciative he was of it, so even though it was a really tiring day I’m glad we did it. Plus, he and his mom had just finished the planting in the backyard earlier that day, so it was great to be able to finally entertain out there.
Last night I was feeling really down about going back to work and having to step out of the baby’s routine every day. I feel like I won’t be able to keep all these balls in the air. I’ve been able to do absolutely nothing except feed the baby and the bare minimum around the house (get enough dishes washed so that we can eat off of them, get enough clothes washed so we have at least 1 thing to wear at all times, etc.) for these past few weeks, so I’m terrified of adding work back into the mix and scrambling to hold it all together even more. How do people do this?
Through all of the things piling up and the sense of chaos that’s growing, there are still really sweet moments to enjoy. Like when I finish pumping in the middle of the night and go into the nursery and see Dan swaddling Morella up after her latest feed. Or how she clasps her little hands together while she’s eating. Or the way her golden hair shines in the sunlight when she’s on the back deck with us. Or the random smiles and laughs that are starting to come out, though I don’t think they’re purposeful yet. I can’t wait to watch her develop and change every day.
I’ll leave you with this short Instagram video of her hiccuping. Adorable.